Respect

From: http://www.islamreligion.com/

By Aisha Stacey

Part 1: Having Respect for God means obeying Him.

The condition of being honoured esteemed or well regarded. This is the most commonly understood definition of respect. In fact, the thesaurus goes on the describe respect as a courteous regard for peoples feelings and links respect to honour, kindness, obedience and tolerance. So what is the role of respect in Islam? Islam states that it is the responsibility of each individual to treat all of creation with respect, honour and dignity. The most deserving of respect is the Creator Himself. Respect begins with loving and obeying the commandments of God and from this respect flow all the manners and high standards of morality that are inherent in Islam.
“And whosoever obeys God and His Messenger, fears God, and keeps his duty (to Him), such are the successful ones.” (Quran 24:52)
To be one of those who are successful, Islam requires that each individual learn to obey the Creator and thus treat humankind, our environment, the believers and ourselves with respect. Bearing in mind that the believers are one nation, and if one part of the nation is in peril so too are all its parts, respect for each other is essential. Islam teaches us that we are held accountable not only for our thoughts and actions but for the influence, we have over others and the creation. Islam asks us to enjoin the good and forbid the evil. Islam binds respect to peace, love and compassion, all attributes of the One God, therefore to fulfil our obligation to honour and obey God one must respect the honour, reputation and privacy of others. Respect involves staying completely away from the major sins of backbiting, lying, slander, and gossip.
Respect for humanity means staying away from sins that will sow discord among the people and lead to destruction. Respect includes loving for our brothers and sisters what we love for ourselves. Respect involves treating others the way we expect to be treated and the way we hope God will treat us –with compassion, love and mercy. Major sins put a barrier between humanity and God’s Mercy and cause all the torment, misery and evil in this world and the hereafter. God commands us to stay away from sin and to strive against our own destructive character flaws. He also singles out suspicion, backbiting and gossip as bringing about nothing but shame and disgrace.
“O you who believe! Avoid much suspicion, indeed some suspicions are sins. And spy not, neither backbite one another. Would one of you like to eat the flesh of his dead brother? You would hate it (so hate backbiting). And fear God. Verily, God is the One Who accepts repentance, Most Merciful.” (Quran 49:12)
Ibn Abbass, a companion of Prophet Muhammad and Quran commentator said God forbade backbiting just as He forbade the eating of dead flesh. Eating dead flesh is something that people naturally have abhorrence to and they should have the same natural abhorrence to backbiting one another. Respect involves caring for one another not shredding characters the way carrion would shred a dead animal.
Backbiting
Some people might say that backbiting is merely words and ask what harm it can do. Words are indeed powerful and have far-reaching effects. In addition to the obvious lack of respect involved in back biting, mere words cause pain to the one maligned and consign the backbiter to the fires of Hell. Prophet Muhammad, may God praise him, warned us of the fate awaiting those who utter disrespect. He said, “A man might speak a word without thinking about its implications, but because of it, he will plunge into the Hellfire further than the distance between the east and west.”[1]
On one occasion, a close companion of Prophet inquired how he could be admitted into Paradise and distanced from the Hellfire. Prophet Muhammad mentioned the virtues of good deeds and asked his companion if he desired to know the foundation of good deeds. The companion answered “certainly”, where upon Prophet Muhammad took a hold of his own tongue and said, “restrain yourself from this”. The companion asked incredulously “are we held accountable for the things that we say?” Prophet Muhammad replied that nothing sends people into the hellfire faster than the “harvest of their tongues”.[2]
Having established that backbiting is anything but mere words how can we define exactly what it is. Backbiting is talking about somebody in a derogatory way or in a way that would not be pleasing to the one being spoken about. It is called back biting because it is usually done when the person being maligned is absent or “behind his back”. Prophet Muhammad defined backbiting as “to mention about your brother something that he would dislike having mentioned about him”.[3] Imam An Nawawi commented that backbiting included “what concerns his body, his religious practice, his worldly station, his physical appearance, his moral character, his wealth, his parents, his children, his spouse, his servant, his clothing, his activities, his smiles and frowns and anything else that pertains to him. It does not matter if you mention it explicitly by word or implicitly by indication or a gesture…”
In the same saying mentioned above, the Prophet Muhammad was asked about backbiting in relation to truthful comments. He explained the severity of backbiting, and explained the difference between it and slander, by saying, “If what you said about your brother is true, then you have backbitten him. If what you said about him is false, then you have slandered him”.[4] Slander is making a false statement; it is a major sin and deserves a severe punishment. God says in the Quran:
“And those who malign believing men and women undeservedly bear upon themselves the guilt of slander and a manifest sin.” (33:58)
In another narration of Prophet Muhammad, his beloved wife Aisha made a comment about one of her co-wives by describing her as short, or small in stature. Prophet Muhammad responded in a way that made clear the severity of her words. He said, “You have said a word that if it was to be mixed with the water of the sea, it would contaminate it.”[5]
Backbiting has become so widespread nowadays that people use it as a way of expressing anger and jealousy. Those who engage in it are disrespecting God by disobeying Him and harming others. Magazines and television shows are devoted to gossiping and prying into the private lives of others. There is no respect for privacy, and contrary to popular belief, the lives of others are not source material for gossip sessions. The person who habitually engages in backbiting and gossip and who does not struggle against his desires and begs for God’s forgiveness has lost all respect for himself for he no longer fears the fires of Hell. The sin is grave, the punishment severe, but God is Merciful and always accepts sincere repentance.
“...if any of you does evil in ignorance, and thereafter repents and does righteous good deeds (by obeying God), then surely, He is Oft ­Forgiving, Most Merciful.” (Quran 6:54)
Footnotes:
[1] Saheeh Bukhari, Saheeh Muslim.
[2] At Tirmidhi, Ibn Majah.
[3] Saheeh Muslim.
[4] Ibid.
[5] At Tirmidhi, Abu Dawood

Part 2: How to regain lost Respect.

In this new century punctuated by astounding technological advancement, and instant global communication it has become commonplace to hear people talk about respect, or lack of it. One hears about respect for the environment, respect for other cultures and religions, respect for each other and the catch cry of the 21st century - self respect. We lose respect for our politicians and governments, we gain respect for our sporting heroes and actors. We try to respect our planet by turning off taps and unnecessary lights. We complain bitterly about our lives and the lack of respect we feel at home and at work. We live in a topsy- turvy world where we talk reverently of actors who give charity to drought ravaged countries while we throw food into garbage bins. We shed tears over drug-addicted singers yet step over the homeless cluttering our streets. We respect the learned men that warn us of global warming but we ignore the commandments of our Creator. We understand the significance of respect but we are unable to attain it. For many of us the essence is lost!
How can we regain this lost quality of respect that for many of us is seemingly unattainable? Simply by following God’s commandments and worshipping Him accordingly. God says in the Quran that He created mankind for no reason except to worship Him. (Quran 51:56) Worshipping God is showing Him the respect He deserves. Worshipping God makes it possible for us to treat all of mankind with respect, it allows us to treat the environment with respect and it gives others permission to respect us. Then are no human beings more worthy of our respect then those whose piety and closeness to God is obvious. In the previous article we discussed the dangers inherent in backbiting and gossip, and how those who engage in such behaviour have lost respect for themselves and more importantly, for God.
As human beings, we all must struggle against our base desires and one of the hardest sins to resist is gossiping about others. However, to worship and love God in the correct way it is imperative that we try to rid ourselves of the evil of backbiting. One way to clear ourselves of this ignoble character trait is to cultivate closeness to God by reflecting upon the verses of Quran and sayings of Prophet Muhammad that remind us of God’s punishment and encourage us to repent.
“Or do they think that We hear not their secrets and their private counsel? (Yes, We do) and Our Messengers (appointed angels in charge of mankind) are by them, to record.” (Quran 43:80)
Prophet Muhammad encouraged us to feel shame before God; He said, “Feel shame before God as you ought to feel shame before Him. So guard the head and what it contains, guard the stomach and what you put in it, and think upon death and returning to dust”[1] We should feel this shame whenever we backbite, and take the opportunity to reflect upon what we loose if we engage in this behaviour. We loose the essence of respect.
Disrespect is not part of Islam
Prophet Muhammad was continually teaching his companions and reminding them about the seriousness of disobeying God. In many sayings, he explains the grave consequences of not respecting the rights of others. He said, “The one who is bankrupt from among my followers is he who comes on the Day of Resurrection with prayer, charity, and fasting to his credit. However, he had insulted this person, struck that person, and seized the wealth of another, because of which his good deeds will be taken from him. Then, if his good deeds are exhausted, the sins of those whom he wronged will be taken from them and foisted upon him and then he will be cast into the Fire.”[2] A true believer strives to improve himself and is aware of his responsibility to protect others rather than disrespect them. In Islam, believers do not disrespect each other nor do they tolerate disrespect towards their brothers and sisters.
Another quick and easy way to protect ourselves from the evils of gossip and backbiting is to stay away from those who engage in it. God says in the Quran:
“And when they hear dirty, false, evil vain talk, they withdraw from it and say, "To us our deeds, and to you your deeds. Peace be to you. We seek not the ignorant.” (Quran 28:55)
Prophet Mohammad placed great emphasis on being around righteous people rather then those who occupy their time with vain, useless activities or talk. He said, “The likeness of a good companion and a bad companion is that of a person carrying musk and another who works the bellows. The person carrying musk might give you some of it or at the very least, you will enjoy the pleasant scent. The person with the bellows will either singe your clothing or at least make you suffer from the bad smell.”[3]
Keeping company with righteous people helps one to avoid backbiting and gossip because caring friends will remind each other of the evils and punishments associated with such behaviour. It is also useful to reflect on our own shortcomings and character flaws rather then gossip about the faults of others. The great scholar, Hasan al-Basri said: “We used to remind each other that whoever faults his brother on account of a sin that he had repented from, God will punish him by having him fall into that sin himself.”
Having established that backbiting, and gossip are great sins, the scholars of Islam have explained however, that there are certain conditions under which it may be permissible to talk about the faults and characteristics of others.[4] It is allowable for one who is being oppressed to inform the authorities of the wrongs being committed against him. It is allowable for those who see vice to inform those who are capable of removing it. It is also allowable to mention people’s faults when seeking sincere religious advice from those qualified to give it. It is permissible to mention someone by describing them (blind, deaf, in a wheelchair etc) as long as it is not done in a belittling or mocking fashion. Lastly, it is not allowable to hide the character faults of a person known to you from those seeking marriage or business advice.
Careful analysis of the above conditions reveals that respect is inherent in these exceptions. To oppress someone is to disrespect them, to commit vice is to disrespect the community and to deceive people who ask for sincere advice is also a form of disrespect. If we feel ourselves disrespected then we should look to our own sins and turn to God in repentance. If the essence of respect is missing in our lives then we can regain it by worshipping God with full submission. Islam insists that we show respect for God, by obeying Him and to obey Him inherently means respecting others and ourselves.
Footnotes:
[1] At Tirmidhi
[2] Saheeh Muslim.
[3] Ibid.
[4] Fataawa Al-Lajnah al-Daa’imah li’l-Buhooth al-‘Ilmiyyah wa’l-Ifta’ (26/10).