TELLING YOUR FAMILY YOU HAVE CONVERTED

From: http://www.convertstoislam.com/Coping/coping.htmlTELLING YOUR FAMILY YOU HAVE CONVERTED

For some muslim converts telling their family of their decision is no problem at all. Some families of converts are very happy at the choice to become a muslim, and it is welcomed. Unfortunately though for other converts this is a difficult process, with various obstacles to face.

This page is designed to help new converts through this experience, or perhaps even 'old' converts who have kept their new religion hidden for some time. There is no magical answer as all families are different and will inevitably react in various ways. However, if we cannot provide exact answers, we can certainly go a long way to helping converts feel more comfortable in this situation, and by sharing with each other we will all grow stronger and more able to face problems inshaAllah.

Before we get into the possible family problems and the suggested solutions we should first emphasize that although some converts have some problems, there are many others who do not. This page is designed to help those who are met with obstacles, so may, unavoidably, come across as negative. So please remember that some families of converts are very happy that their relative has converted. Some reasons for the happy reactions are as follows:

• they are happy that the relative concerned has found God.
  
• they are happy that the relative concerned will be leading a moral life, especially in this day and age.
  
• the family have seen the happiness that the relative concerned has found and this in turn makes them happy.
  
• they are pleased that the relative concerned now has discipline and stability in their life.
  
• families knowledgable about Islam, although they may not convert themselves, realise the truth about Islam (as opposed to the propaganda).

Please remember that the anticipation of telling your family about your new religion is often worse than the reality. We find that we re-run the moment over and over in our minds, imagining the worst possible outcome. Then, when we come to actually having the discussion, things go much better than expected.
So, if your worries are more self created, rather than based on 'real problems' them the advice would be to just get it over and done with. I totally understand that this is easier said than done, but having spent a long time pondering the event myself, I know that I would have been better just getting on with it. The bottom line is that it is a conversation that you will have to have with your family, or at least your parents, one day, so why not get the ball rolling now and start to deal with any issues that arise. Of course, please email ZAYNAB5@AOL.COM if you would like someone to talk to just for some moral support.

For those who have bigger concerns with telling their families, we have tried to identify the common concerns, and where we can offer some help. This may also be useful to those who did go ahead and tell their family, but are now experiencing problems. Please do not look at the possible problems below and get yourselves worried, we have not identified a possible problem without suggesting a possible solution.

It is very unlikely that you would face more than one or two of these problems, if any at all, and anyway it is better to be prepared just in case.

Please see the end of this web page for info on emailing us if you would like additional help, or just a friend who understands. Our prayers are with you all.

Possible Concerns to Deal With (click below for solutions):

There are many ways of overcoming all these concerns.

Let us start by reminding ourselves what the Quran says (2.286):

Allah (swt) does not impose upon any soul a duty but to the extent of it's ability; for it is (the benefit of) what it has earned, and upon it (the evil of) what it has wrought: Our Lord! do not punish us if we forget or make a mistake; Our Lord! do not lay on us a burden as Thou didst lay on those before us; Our Lord! do not impose upon us that which we have not the strength to bear; and pardon us and grant us protection and have mercy on us, Thou art our Patron, so help us against the unbelieving people.

If we keep this in mind we will be fine.


Alhumdalillah, as converts, Allah (swt) immediately allows us this opportunity to spread Islam within our family and inshaAllah earn some good deeds.

• Your family are religious, practising another faith. How will they react when they hear you have chosen a different path for yourself? Possible Solution.
  
  
• Your family are not at all religious and cannot understand why you would want to become religious. Possible Solution.
  
  
• Your family have been taken in by the negative propaganda and as a result they perceive Islam to be violent. Reactions such as 'You are associating with terrorists'.
  Possible Solution.
  
  
• Your family may have the wrong ideas about how Islam treats women.
  Possible Solution.
  
  
• Your family think that religion causes war (of course it is people that do this!).
  Possible Solution.
  
  
• Your family suggest that you just take the best bits out of all the religions.
  Possible Solution.
  
  
• Your family are concerned about 'what will other people think?' Possible Solution.
  
  
• Your parents in particular may feel that they have 'lost' you, and that you are no longer the same child that they brought up. Perhaps they feel that you have betrayed them by selecting a different life for yourself. Possible Solution.
  
  
• Your family may think that you have become a Muslim because of someone else, and not because you really believe it. Possible Solution.
  

Click here for special Duas to help you talk to your family about becoming a Muslim. (under construction)